Balancing The Two Sides

Am I the only person who seemingly has two sides to her personality that are in constant conflict with one another?

I remember the first time I discussed this with a friend many, many years ago. She has a keen interest in astrology and said this conflict could be explained by my natal chart. I cannot remember the ins and outs, but I do recall her saying it’s because while I’m a Taurus, my sun rising la la la is something else, and hence the conflict (well, those weren’t the exact words, but you catch my drift).

I cannot help but wonder now, though, whether this is something we all struggle with. From my observations, it seems like life is one constant battle to keep things balanced: if you eat too much food you become overweight, if you eat too little you starve; if you party too much you destroy your liver and underperform at work, if you don’t have enough fun you become a miserable so and so; if you work too hard you become a sad workaholic who is prone to heart attacks, if you don’t have something to work towards, you become lazy and despondent and so forth.

So if everything in life is one constant mission to keep things balanced, is it so outlandish to think that part of that is keeping our different personality traits balanced, too?

So if everything in life is one constant mission to keep things balanced, is it so outlandish to think that part of that is keeping our different personality traits balanced, too?

The reason I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the last few days is that I’ve just got back to Dubai and it’s made me long for the little bachelorette pad I had all those years ago. I had a well-paid, secure job that enabled me to buy the things that I wanted, as well as save every month, which, in today’s economy, probably made it the holy grail of all jobs. I had the car, the apartment, the savings.

The stability-loving, introvert in me absolutely loved this.

The adventure-loving, ever curious rover in me hated this.

I do feel like I’m constantly in conflict – with myself. On the one hand, I’d love to have it all again: the little apartment full of books and knick knacks collected from my travels, and soft blankets and a squishy bed that I can spend my weekends in, but on the other hand the adventurer in me fears that I’ll miss out on my freedom. After all, if you have an apartment and a car, it’s more difficult to spontaneously decide you’re going to volunteer for three months in Nepal. It’s not impossible, but it’s definitely more difficult.

And boy how I love my freedom.

So I guess I’ve always subconsciously believed that you have to follow one or the other. That you cannot keep both sides happy.

But now I’m starting to wonder: is there another way? Who said you cannot keep both parts of your personality satisfied and keep everything balanced? In the past, work was very much office-based and there weren’t the myriad opportunities to work from your laptop as there are now. So, yes, perhaps it was more difficult back then to keep both the homebody and adventurer in you satisfied, but if there’s one thing the internet has done well it is that it’s opened up a world of opportunities.

Perhaps I’ve been wrong all this time to assume I can’t keep both sides of my personality balanced and happy.

Perhaps I’ve been wrong all this time to assume I can’t keep both sides of my personality balanced and happy. I keep postponing the inevitable, which is to find myself a corner to call my own and settle down again for a while (the constant living out of suitcases and having boxes on three corners of the globe is starting to drive me mad), because it scares the living daylight out of the adventurer in me. I don’t want to lose my freedom, but I also cannot deny that I’m starting to grow tired of not having my own little cocoon away from the world. Denying one side of yourself for the sake of another never works in the long term. Too much of anything is never a good idea, after all.

My new mission is this, though: to find a way to keep both sides happy, because swapping between the two is exhausting and that doesn’t make me happy either.

Maybe what will keep this adventure-loving homebody happy is this: an apartment with all my things, but a job that enables me to take off as much as I want and need to. So, I’ve decided that I’m going to try and find a way to marry the two.

Balancing the two sides: it’s not easy, but I’m hoping that it’s also not impossible.

Do you have two sides to you that are at odds with one another? If so, how to you reconcile the two?